so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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