Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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