I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
