ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
