I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Its about making memories worth repressing
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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