Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
