textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
