I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
