i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize