id be glad to
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
