I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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