I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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