guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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