my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
