I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
