but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
