i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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