We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
