I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Don't make out with my wife yet
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He shit in the fireplace
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
