So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize