nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
