Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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