WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
