speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
