he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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