I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
