That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
