"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I think my moral compass just broke
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
