My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
