worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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