Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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