So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
