"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
