Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
