my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
