Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
