did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
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