i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
