he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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