What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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