don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
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