gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
