guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
