We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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