Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
