He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
