My brain says no but my pants say off.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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