ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
