hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
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