Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
