The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Come on in and take your pants off
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