Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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