I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
