There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize