He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
