the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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