They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
