she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
