Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
organizing the empties. That sober.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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