party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
