So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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