We got so high we made milksteak
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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