no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
