dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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