I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I need water and some morals
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
