I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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