she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
