do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
