before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
