the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
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