You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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