i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
