we have officially lost it.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
