quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize