we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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