Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
