Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
