Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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