shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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