I hate your face
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
