working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
