problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
