Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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