His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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