It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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