life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
