So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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