No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
do herpes really smell.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
