drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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