There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
