the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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