We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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