You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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