Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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