Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
