I want to stick my p in your. b.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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