if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Having a random hookup so left but love u
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
