So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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